“The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely, they will be, by the better angels of our nature”. (Abraham Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address, delivered on March 4, 1861)

We are out of sync with our “better angels.” In our fractured public discourse, we’ve become cartoon caricatures of ourselves. We are angry and defiant; lost in the stance of “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Not only is the “other” wrong in their opinion, but we claim the other as bad. We attack the other in their personhood; at the extreme, calling them “evil”. 

We ignore that this dehumanizing rhetoric is pushing us further away from our better angels. To put it sharply, we are losing our humanity. 

Abraham Lincoln understood this negative tendency in human beings and urged us toward a different path: 

“We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.” (from Abraham Lincoln’s First Inaugural Address, delivered on March 4, 1861, when America was on the brink of civil war)

Recognize what happens when we demonize others, either within our group or another group. The more we fear others, the more isolated we become. We seek desperately for another tribe to grab onto. Often we become frustrated with the new group and the pattern repeats. Life becomes a downward spiral of battles with winners and losers, offering little joy or peace. These patterns are soul killing. We thwart our essential need to belong. This is how we lose touch with our capacity to develop bonds of affection.

How do we re-orient ourselves toward our better angels, reclaiming our capacity to reach out with bonds of affection? 

We are social creatures who require affection if we are to thrive. In the language of Christianity, love creates us. We offer and receive love, and love sustains us.

Humans are born with a central core of goodness. Psychological and spiritual traditions refer to this core by various names: essential self, true self, Buddha nature, bodhisattva, or soul. Our deep core is where we are most authentic, where we experience the aliveness of being alive. This is where essential human qualities emerge and flourish, such as love, compassion, generosity, kindness. 

Our core is the realm of our better angels. The point of the spiritual journey is to discover this inner core, to recognize the multitude of ways we turn away from it, and practice re-orienting toward this path of goodness.

What hinders us from accessing our core self more fully? 

Each of us lives with some version of inner conflicts. One part of us wants to be kind, another part is angry. We feel sad and want to feel happy. We long for companionship, yet prefer to remain alone.

These inner conflicts can become much more consequential. For example, one part says, “My life is in danger if I do not have the surgery.” Another part says, “But I do not want to have surgery.” In our country, it’s easy to find inner conflicts described continually in the media. “I wanted to vote for one candidate, but feared what would happen if I did. I had a hard time deciding what to do.” Or, “I was sure X would be the outcome. That didn’t happen. It’s all my/your, his/her fault.” And on and on. 

Inner conflicts do not always shows up in words. Sometimes they appear as tension in the body, like nausea, or aching shoulders or back, or extreme exhaustion. This separation into inner parts is a dynamic of the human psyche. 

Our inner conflicts are not only about our private inner world. They spill out on others. 

In our polarized environment, day-to-day interactions can easily become explosive. This is especially true with those we disagree with. Often, our disagreements trigger an inner conflict in one or both parties. One person may feel anger, fear, disappointment, or some other powerful emotion. The person may struggle to maintain a calm demeanor, all the while feeling a torrent of emotional energy inside. This pressure builds and either or both parties can become abrupt and ill tempered. The negative interactions take on a life of their own and easily dissolve into “I’m right, you’re wrong!” Productive conversation becomes impossible.

Connecting with better angels means seeing the truth of who we are, our conflicts and our essential goodness, and choosing to behave from our core goodness. It demands that we discern how to continue to nurture bonds of affection, especially toward those with whom we disagree. Discernment urges us to slow down and sort through my opinions and take responsibility for my inner conflicts. When I do, I tap into a reservoir of sanity that enables me to approach the person with whom I disagree with respect and willingness to listen. Here we turn the tide and move toward friendship rather than the enemy.

We in the United States are processing the results of the recent presidential election. The results surprised and perhaps confused many people on all sides. Each of us can reflect on what went well, what we did not. Whether our favorite candidates won or lost, we can strive to recognize what all the candidates did well. Can we strive to keep building bonds of affection with ourselves and with others, increasing our capacity to work across the aisle?

As we look to reach our better angels, we learn to embrace all of who we are, joy, sorrow, faults, and our needs for social communities in whom we trust. May we also remember that each of us has an enormous capacity to help one another. In the language of the ancient poet Rumi, 

“Our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of our heart.”

REFLECTION QUESTIONS 

~ What qualities do you value in someone who holds opinions that strongly differ from yours?

~ How do you connect with your better angels? What hinders this process? What supports you?

~ Have you experienced becoming friends with someone who you previously viewed as an enemy? If so, how did that happen? 

~ What act of kindness can you offer to someone else (or yourself) on this day?

Feel free to post your responses.