MYTH OF VIOLENCE

Posted on December 23, 2025 by Incarnation Place

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (from The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence) 

I remember how I felt as a kid hearing these words for the first time… a flurry of excitement, a sense of pride to be an American, and to be in a country shaped by this exalted vision. Seventy years later, I realize that these inspired words contain the seeds that propelled U.S. culture down a dark path. 

Unfortunately, the rugged individualism that helped create our lasting vision for the United States also contributes to a popular myth that has fueled our long history of violence. The myth is: violence leads to peace.

No, it won’t. 

A brief accounting of U.S. history shows that violence sets the stage for more violence, and the violence only escalates. We fought the Revolutionary War (1775 – 1783) to break free from British rule. A century later, we fought the Civil War (1861-1865) over the controversy about slavery. World War 1 followed, leading to World War II and the creation of the atomic bomb, the most destructive weapon that humanity has produced. We dropped two of these on Japan.

Then came the 1960s. We witnessed the assassinations of President John Kennedy, his brother Robert, and the civil rights leader, The Rev. Martin Luther King. We lost close to 50,000 soldiers in the Vietnam War (1960 – 1975). What seemed an unthinkable act of violence occurred on September 11, 2001, followed by brutal wars in Iran and Afghanistan.

On and on it goes. The world is not a more peaceful place. We are not a more peaceful union.

We stoke the illusion that peace and better times are just around the corner, while ignoring the full impact of our violent history. Yet our belief in violence as a path to peace has deep roots. Cynthia Bourgeault writes:

“For the American Founders, the Cartesian ‘I think, therefore I am’ was the self-evident truth from which all inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness followed. The starting point is that ‘I,’ the individual, actually exists: with emotions, volition, a personal history, and a solid core of identity that both needs and deserves opportunity for self-expression… We experience ourselves first and foremost as … individual selves. We move out into the world, making our life choices, accomplishing our goals, fulfilling our destiny. It all seems obvious.” (Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Way of Knowing, pages 63-64)

Descartes left us with what became an assumed truth: “I know I exist because I can think.” Well, it’s only a partial truth. Yes, our thinking abilities are extraordinary, and unique aspects of being human. However, thinking does not define our existence. I exist because I am alive; my heart is beating, blood is flowing, cycles of breath go on every minute of every day. I exist because I laugh and cry and dream. Love and being loved is the reason I exist.

This attachment to the intellect as proof of existence breeds our trust in our ego. “I” becomes the center of the universe and fosters our sense of separation from others. We easily become focused on accumulating power, specifically power over others. 

The drive for power over another is the beginning of war. 

Is it any wonder that we find ourselves in chaos, driven by an unquenchable hunger for money, power, perfection, and recognition? What is the antidote to this fixation on violence? 

I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I know this. We in America need to re-claim our sense of “we” which is buried beneath the rubble left from over two hundred years of violence. 

Theologian Rebecca Ann Parker suggests we learn to recognize ourselves as: 

“… people living in the aftermath of cataclysmic violence rather than as people awaiting the overthrow of the present world order and the birth of the new…. From this place of honesty, we must discover how we can live among the ruins.” (Rebecca Ann Parker, Blessing the World: What Can Save Us Now, page 21)

The American vision expressed in the Declaration of Independence deeply inspired France’s motto, Liberty, Equality, Fraternity. That one word, “fraternity”, reminds us that a country is a community to be cared for. We seem to forget that about America these days. Human society needs wisdom and compassion, focused on building up communities, not tearing them down.

We do not do this work alone:

“We must turn to those who have survived grief, victimization denial, and paralysis. We must look to the witness of those who have found a way to live lives of dignity, honesty, creativity, and activism, and we must take counsel from survivors, resisters, and truth tellers.” (Rebecca Ann Parker, Blessing the World: What Can Save Us Now, page 23)

And we need lots of practice in cultivating our minds and bodies, in creating the life-affirming society we long for. 

Over two thousand years ago, Jesus told his disciples that their highest purpose was to love others as God has loved them. His message was that our primary attention is to be given to our relationships, bringing forth love in all of them, beginning with our relationship with Him. This was the path toward what Jesus called the Kingdom of God. Religions around the world echo this same message. 

Rebecca Ann Parker encourages us:

“In our time, hope means not running away from the icy, hard ground of suffering, violence, injustice, and deceit. It means savoring the sweetness of human love, lighting the Sabbath candles, smelling the spices, and opening our hearts to the sources of refreshment and grace that are given to us. Survival means reconstructing from the ruins a world of hospitality and peace. It means living as one of those who, as Adrienne Rich says, ‘with no extraordinary power, reconstitutes the world.’” (Rebecca Ann Parker, Blessing the World: What Can Save Us Now, page 24)

May we begin today.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ What is one thing you can do today that will contribute positively to another person or group?

~ What is one thing you can give up today that will ease the burden of another person or group? 

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TIME TO REST

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Incarnation Place

Jesus says, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls…” (Matthew 11:28-30)

The first time I heard these words, I was 30 years old and sitting on an airplane reading a book that had nothing to do with religion, but used inspiring quotes at the beginning of each chapter. Jesus’ words seemed to jump off the page into my heart: “I will give you rest…” 

I stared at the words. Something inside me cracked open. Was Jesus inviting me to rest? Would it be okay to rest? In this short phrase, I heard for the first time that God was on my side. Maybe I could safely put down my armor and rest in the divine arms of a God whom I had just met. I cried tears of relief.

My mother was mentally ill. I grew up believing that I caused her illness and that God would condemn me because I was bad. Life seemed inherently unsafe. Deep feelings of anger, fear, and frustration became frozen in my nervous system.

On hearing these words from Jesus, I suddenly realized my exhaustion from always trying to prove that I was okay. “Okay” was code, meaning not mentally ill like my mother. It was a full-time job, one that paid not in money but in gaining approval. Rest was not on my agenda!

This one quote propelled me into years of healing that helped me develop an inner compassionate voice. Slowly I learned to release fear and anger and trust in the presence of a loving God. This was a slow process of self-reflection, re-calibrating my nervous system, and learning to trust life itself. 

Today, sadly, many of our political leaders are unwilling or unable to engage in even a bare minimum of self-awareness or reflection. At their core, they refuse to admit their own suffering, while blindly disregarding the cruelty they inflict on others. Unlimited thirst for power fuels policy decisions, while instilling fear becomes a weapon to control people.

In this chaotic environment, it is easy to become hooked on chasing the next headline, disaster, or latest crisis. We get caught up in the intensity of emotional excitement; anger, fear, and disappointment can become our daily norm. We become weary, yet dare not rest, for fear of “missing something important.”

What we may miss is that rest offers us a powerful tool of resistance. When I take time to rest, I can defuse the intensity of the emotional swirl, my thinking becomes clearer, and I make better decisions about how to respond to troublesome situations. Rest offers space for honest self-reflection, including my self-righteousness that helps fuel “I’m right; “they’ are wrong mentality. 

The process of self-reflection includes learning to de-fusing intense emotional experiences. I find this to be a slow learning process and demands lots of practice. But it is possible and makes a vast difference in how I experience myself and the world. This a bodily experience, not a conscious thought. When my emotions calm and my thinking clears, I experience a deep sense of Presence, a connection with a larger reality. From here, rest emerges organically as I relax from the intensity of the chaos and emotional swirl.

St. Paul teaches that honest self-reflection brings forth the best of who we are, what he calls the fruit of the Spirit:

“… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

When I take time to rest, my hope is renewed for a well-functioning government that wisely uses its resources wisely in response to emerging health concerns, extreme weather events, and continuing flows of immigration. I will support political candidates who share my concerns, such  as access to quality education and affordable health care in urban and rural areas, the availability of jobs that keep workers gainfully employed.

Little did I realize that the ancient words of Jesus might serve us so well in our current environment: rest in God. I’m not making a religious statement so much as pointing toward a form of spiritual healing. If “rest in Jesus” works for you, go with it! 

But if you need to find another place for your weary soul, seek what gives you a place of comfort, of peace. Perhaps it’s a place in nature, or the comforting arms of a loved one, or your beloved pet. Or it may be a practice of meditation with teachers who resonate with you. Many popular Christian and Buddhist teachers are available online or in person.

Episcopal priest and teacher Cynthia Bourgeault suggests that we in the West must move toward:

“… a renewed sense of dignity and coherence… If the postmodern universe so often seems random and meaningless; if the once great American dream of ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness’ seems so often nowadays to have shrunk to a bizarre caricature of itself — ‘The one with the most toys when he dies wins,’ as a popular bumper sticker mordantly proclaims — perhaps the problem is not that our vision has grown too small but that we are using too little of ourselves to see.” (Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Way of Knowing, pages 8-9)

I look forward to reclaiming our sense of dignity and coherence!

A TIME FOR REST

Here are some suggested guidelines for a period of rest. Adapt these in any way that supports you.

Set aside 15 minutes to rest. Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor. Or lie down on a bed, couch, or floor, if you prefer. For these few minutes, there is nothing else to do, nowhere else to go.

Put one hand on your heart, the other hand on your stomach (or wherever you prefer). Notice your breathing, inhale and exhale. Follow your breath for 10 cycles of inhale and exhale.

How do you feel?

With your eyes closed, spend a few minutes scanning your body. Sense the support of what you are sitting on (or lying down) on. Allow yourself to sink into that support. 

What sensations do you notice? (For example, tightness or pain? heat or cold? heartbeats? spaciousness?) Other observations? 

Slowly, open your eyes. If you are lying down, slowly sit up. What do you notice? How do you feel?

Your comments are welcome!

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LETTING GO OF HATRED

Posted on November 1, 2025 by Incarnation Place

“The Buddha declares, ‘Enraged with hate, with mind ensnared, humans aim at their own ruin and at the ruin of others.’” (Jack Kornfield, https://jackkornfield.com/nature-hate/ )

Yes, the world is suffering. Armed conflicts are raging in the Middle East, Russia and Ukraine, Africa, South America, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. But there’s another war going on: the fight for our humanity. This war uses the thirst for power over others as its weapon. The leaders use fear, intimidation, and chaos as their tools. Leaders strive to humiliate others, especially those who disagree. Our human gift of care for others is slowly seeping away.

Today, disagreements quickly dissolve into rage, and rage morphs into hatred on all sides. When hatred takes over, we all lose; for hatred, like war, is an insidious foe. Hatred is energizing; it focuses us. It seduces us with the sense of power, fueled by a self-righteous voice that shouts, “I am right, you are wrong!” Too often, “wrong” morphs into “evil”. When I’m caught in hatred, the emotional intensity only adds to the chaos. I can no longer think clearly, or make wise decisions. Hatred takes an enormous toll on the human nervous system, interrupts sleep and easily becomes addictive.

Words matter. Words shape beliefs. Beliefs fuel action. Day by day, tensions are flaring, people are tired and angry. The potential for violence is escalating.

In the U.S. Constitution, the First Amendment guarantees the precious gift of free speech. Too often today we are squandering this gift under the illusion that free speech means, “I can say anything I want and you can’t touch me!” Not true.

The First Amendment urges us to care for our language. If all we’re doing is pouring more hatred into the common well, we’re making the situation worse, not better. Can we speak plainly, clearly, without a message of hate?

I think we can. But when I am filled with rage, I need to pause, turn my focus away from the other and toward myself. What is going on inside me that fuels my emotional intensity toward the other? 

In most situations, deep fear and a sense of helplessness lurk beneath rage and hate. Sometimes, the present situation triggers deep feelings associated with historical events. If that happens, I acknowledge the past wounding and remind myself that past events were then. Today’s events are now and they are different, separate and unique.

Next, I engage some questions, like: “Why am I speaking? What am I trying to accomplish? Do my words help the situation? Or do my words create more noise, adding to the problems rather than helping resolve them? How can I use my speech to help create a better vision for our society?” Tending to this self-exploration process allows me to engage current situations with a clearer mind and less emotional entanglement. Let us care for our freedom of speech, not take it for granted. 

It helps to remember that my anger is also a sign that I care. I care about the country, our people, and want all of us to thrive. I suspect readers of this blog care too! Self-reflection is like a re-wiring process. It takes time and practice for new wires to form. But new wires will emerge. 

There’s a well-known exchange in the Gospel of Luke. Jesus says:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”   (Luke 6:41-42, New International Version) 

(This is a rare example of words attributed to Jesus that appears not only here, but almost verbatim in the Gospel of Matthew 7:3-5, New International Version.)

Jesus, like Buddha before him, taught that the path of non-violence is the antidote to hate. And that it demands that we engage parts of ourselves we do not want to face. Jesus says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” (Matthew 5:38-40, New International Version)

The language of “God” goes by lots of other names in religious and spiritual traditions around the world. Regardless of the language used, people commonly believe in an energetic reality that propels humanity toward wisdom. Cynthia Bourgeault * says:

“We are still under the loving hand of our Common Father, and the marching orders have not changed: to live and establish ourselves in alignment with the highest benchmarks of what we know human beings are capable of: courage, commitment, compassion, forgiveness, conscience, integrity. To simply keep walking toward these, arm and arm if at all possible, for there the force of individual integrity is vastly magnified.”  (From her website: cynthiabourgeault.org )

AMEN!

* Cynthia Bourgeault is a modern-day mystic, Episcopal priest, writer, and internationally known retreat leader. She dedicates herself to studying and teaching universal Wisdom traditions while firmly planting her faith in Christ.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

Families often gather in November and December to celebrate various holidays. These gatherings can be especially challenging when political views clash.

~ When discussions with loved ones become heated, how can you reduce the tension? 

~ How do you process the intensity of your emotional reactions during these chaotic times?

~ What brings you a sense of rest during the day? (For example, listening to or playing music, meditation, artwork, going out for walks, practicing Yoga, taking a nap)

Please offer any comments or questions in response to this post.

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A KINDER, GENTLER NATION

Posted on October 3, 2025 by Incarnation Place

“The supreme good is like water, which nourishes all things without trying to…” (Tao Te Ching, Verse 8)

 Growing up in the 1960s and 70s, I watched violence erupt at home and abroad: civil rights, the Vietnam War, and the assassinations of President John Kennedy, his brother Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King. (It seems we have a history of killing leaders who preach non-violence.)

I was too uptight to be a hippy, but surrounded myself with more free-spirited others who explored faraway places, like India, South America, and the Peace Corps. I stayed in college, dabbled in psychedelic drugs, and studied a lot, mostly philosophy, religion, and art history. Like many teenagers, I was fiercely idealistic. I clung to the vision of “peace on earth”, and believed I would know it in my lifetime. 

Aspiration is not a word I use much. Today, I am using it more. I aspire to be patient and kind to those I meet. I aspire to think and write clearly. At the 1988 Republican Convention, George H. W. Bush expressed his aspiration that the United States become a “kinder and gentler nation”, a vision he repeated in his Inaugural Address in 1989, after winning the Presidency. Today I repeat it silently like a mantra: may we become a kinder, gentler nation.

A generation later, immediately after the 9/11 attack, President Bush’s son, George W. Bush, declared the “war on terror”. Bush deliberately used the language of good and evil, declaring America the “good guys” and Al-Qaeda the “evil ones”. In a single moment, his father’s aspiration that we become a “kinder, gentler nation” dissolved, replaced by a demand for war, to be won at all costs. The language of war is now pouring from the lips of our political leaders daily.

War and violence can be addictive. It’s exciting, gives us a clear focus. Chris Hodges is a veteran war correspondent who has seen up close the power of war, from Central America to the Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Gaza, and the Balkans. He knows the terrain of war, inside and out. He says:

“I learned early on that war forms its own culture. The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug, one I ingested for many years… The enduring attraction of war is this: even with its destruction and carnage it can give us what we long for in life. It can give us purpose, meaning, a reason for living. Only when we are in the midst of conflict does the shallowness and vapidness of much of our lives become apparent. Trivia dominates our conversations and increasingly our airwaves. And war is an enticing elixir. It gives us resolve, a cause. It allows us to be noble.” (Chris Hodges, War is a Force that Gives Us Meaning, page 3)

This reenactment of war is in sharp contrast to the central teaching of Christianity, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Growing up as a practicing Christian, I cherished the profound beauty and power of liturgy, church music, and prayers. Over the years, I’ve found lifelong friendships in church community. I’ve also struggled with the arrogance, hypocrisy, manipulation, and demand for faith with no room to question (Virgin Birth, for instance) that weaves through church leadership, causing great harm to the very people who are to be embraced. 

Buddhism offers a place of comfort and practical training to cultivate the qualities of compassion and wisdom. As we grow into these qualities, we are better able to protect life and decrease violence in ourselves, our families, and society. Buddhist practice helps me live into the Christian commandment, “to love your neighbor as yourself.”

Along the way, Zen practice attracted my son. He invited me to join him for a Zen retreat, and I discovered in Zen a simplicity and directness that stirred my deep belief that peace on earth can indeed become a reality.

One Zen teaching is called “The Four Immeasurables”. It is used to guide meditation practice. These stand as universal prayers:

“May all beings be free from suffering and the root of suffering. 

May all beings know happiness and the root of happiness. 

May all beings live in sympathetic joy, rejoicing in the happiness of others.

May all beings live in equanimity, free from passion, aggression, and delusion.”

Thich Nhat Hanh was a Zen Buddhist monk and teacher. He emphasizes the need for volition (or willingness) to bring aspiration into reality. He says:

“… (Volition) is your desire, your hope, your aspiration. It’s the energy that keeps you alive. You want to be someone, you want to do something with your life. If you’re motivated by compassion and love, your volition will give you the energy and direction to grow and become even more loving and compassionate. However, if your desire is to possess or to win at all costs, this kind of volition is toxic and will not help your love to grow. You can practice developing a strong and positive volition. You can even put your commitment in words, such as: “I vow to develop understanding and compassion in me, so I can become an instrument of peace and love, to help society and the world.”

( Thich Nhat Hanh, https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/t30ymp/what_love_needs_to_survive_from_thich_nhat_hanh/ )

We are interconnected, here and abroad, across the globe. In our search for peace, may we remember the wisdom of Martin Luther King: 

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” (The Rev. Martin Luther King, Letter From Birmingham, written April 16, 1963, while incarcerated in the Alabama jail)

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ Do you share the vision of a “kindler, gentler nation”? 

~ If so, how do you imagine we create that?

~ If not, how do you envision the future for America?

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CONNECTING TO SELF (CHOOSING TO CONNECT, PART 2)

Posted on September 24, 2025 by Incarnation Place

I was born in 1954. I remember air raid drills from my early school days, when all the kids had to sit under their wooden desks until the bell rang. We were practicing hiding, how to stay safe in case Russia bombed the U.S. Never mind that if a bomb actually hit, our wooden desk would not keep us safe. More likely, a bomb would have probably blown us to smithereens. But the school authorities were taking action. They meant well.

I became very confused. “What’s going on?” I silently asked. “Grandma won’t hurt anybody.” These thoughts circled round and round in my head. Too terrified, I said nothing to anyone. 

Grandma was my mother’s mother and a Russian immigrant. She, her three sisters, and their mother and father (my great grandparents) fled Russia in the early 1920s. Grandma’s father died before reaching the United States. She and the rest of the family settled in Chicago. 

Grandma was an imposing figure who stood tall and presented an air of confidence. I realized only years later that, until her death in 1970, she lived in fear that some government official — Russian or American — would knock on her door and deport her back to Russia. She was terrified of returning to her homeland.

Throughout much of my growing-up years in Chicago, collective calls for peace wove through raging episodes of violence, at home and abroad, with the ever-present drumbeat threatening nuclear war. I wasn’t much of an activist, but I clung with all my might to the possibility of peace. I still do.

Humans are capable of enormous courage, kindness, and generosity. We all have these qualities within us. At our best, we bring these positive qualities out into the world. Each of us contains seeds of violence as well.

In my last post, I introduced the work of David Bohm (1917-1992), a quantum physicist who became keenly interested in human consciousness, what it is, how it functions. He suggested we assume our thoughts are private unless we choose to share them with others. However, Bohm realized the deep interconnected of all reality, which logically extended to consciousness. Like Carl Jung, Bohm emphasized the collective nature of thought, which echoes ancient Buddhist teaching. 

Thich Nhat Hanh was a Zen Buddhist monk who became a beloved teacher to Westerners about Buddhist concepts and practice. Here is a glimpse of his teaching about the relationship between individual and collective consciousness: 

“Our individual consciousness is influenced by the collective consciousness of our environment. We absorb and reflect what is around us. If we live in a place where people are angry and violent, then eventually we’ll become like them. If we live in a family or community where there’s a culture of being understanding and compassionate with each other, we’ll naturally be more peaceful and loving. Children growing up in such an environment will learn to be caring and kind.”  (Thich Nhat Hanh, https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/t30ymp/what_love_needs_to_survive_from_thich_nhat_hanhs/ )

I have learned that our outward behavior — spanning the spectrum from acts of courage, kindness, and generosity to acts of cruelty and violence — begins within us. Learning to cultivate the interior realm of our minds and bodies is the point of spiritual practice, in any tradition. The Quakers call this inner work “bending toward the light”. Through spiritual practice, we become better able to make wise choices about what we think and how we behave toward and respond to others.

Bohm was a physicist, not a therapist, nor a spiritual teacher. Yet he knew keenly that humanity fosters the illusion that mind and body are separate entities. This, he believed, is a grave error that keeps human evolution from flourishing. For Bohm, this illusion of mind/body separation violates the inherent oneness of our being, and leads to the separation between ourselves and others, individually and within groups. We separate ourselves into endlessly specialized groups in all fields of study and work. We break up into religious communities, political parties, and countries that war within and against each other. Today, we see our society living out the destructive consequences of human fragmentation affecting all aspects of human life.

As Bohm speculated decades ago, today’s trauma therapists recognize that the human body — in the fibers, glands, anatomical structures and systems — contains all of our experience, past and present, and our dreams of the future.

Again, Thich Nhat Hanh’s words encapsulate why Bohm’s understanding remains so powerful:

“When body and mind are together, you are fully present. You are fully alive and you can touch the wonders of life that are available in the here and the now. So you practice not only with your mind but with your body. Body and mind should be experienced as one thing, not two.” (Thich Nhat Hanh, https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/interviews-with-thich-nhat-hanh/shambhala-sun-thich-nhat-hanh-special-issue-july-2010)

Psychotherapist and philosopher Eugene Gendlin  (1926-2017) was a contemporary of Bohm and, like Bohm, was deeply concerned that humans cling to the separation of mind and body, an illusion which only fragments our understanding. 

Gendlin was one of the first psychotherapists to appreciate the crucial role of our physical bodies in the therapeutic process; that we experience life through our bodies. Most therapy, he observed, anchors the patient’s attention in the mind, while ignoring the body experiencing. This happens, he found, because most therapists focus on the story of what happened to the individual, while ignoring the felt experience in the patient’s body. 

He studied various forms of psychotherapy and found that therapy makes a difference in people’s lives when the individual has a direct body-based experience. He named this direct experience the “felt sense”. For the individual, the felt sense is a inner shift, experienced in the body. It is “… a definite, physical feeling of something changing or moving within, a tight place loosening.” (Eugene T. Gendlin, Ph.D., Focusing, Rider ebook, 2003, page 14. Original published by Everest, 1978; revised edition by Bantam Books, 1981) He explains:

“A felt sense is not an emotion. We recognize emotions. We know when we are angry, or sad, or glad. A felt sense is something you do not at first recognize. — it is vague and murky… It is a body sense of meaning.” (Focusing, page 10) 

Gendlin and his associates developed Focusing, a specific technique that anyone can learn and that a therapist can teach to an individual patient. The Focusing technique helps one attune to the felt sense in one’s own body. This is where genuine change happens, as body experience awakens and integrates with the mind. Experiencing our stories differs greatly from describing and analyzing them.

Today there is an explosion of body-centered therapies, especially those geared toward healing trauma, such as somatic experiencing, brain spotting, NARM (Neuro-Affective Relational Model), and others. Each of these owes a tribute to the work of Eugene Gendlin and David Bohm.

Deb Dana is a well-known clinician, consultant, author and speaker specializing in the healing of complex trauma. Her work focuses on the role of the nervous system and specific techniques to help calm us. In particular, I especially enjoy what she calls “Finding Glimmers.” A glimmer can be a glimmer of hope, a glimmer of light, a glimmer of peace. She says:

“Glimmers routinely appear in everyday life, yet frequently go unnoticed. A glimmer could be as simple as seeing a friendly face, hearing a soothing sound, or noticing something in the environment that brings a smile. They are personal to each of us… Glimmers are a cue in the day, either internal or external, that sparks a sense of well-being. These tiny moments gently yet significantly shape your system toward well being… Once you learn to look for glimmers, you find they are all around, you pay more attention to them, and you naturally begin to look for more.” (Glimmers Journal: Reflect on the mall Moment that Bring you Joy, Safety, and Connection, an e-book by Deb Dana, page viii)

PRACTICES OF CONNECTION

How do we foster connecting with ourselves? Here are a few practices. Some may be familiar; some may be new. 

These practices identify what lies within us and develop compassion for all that lies within us. This demands that we honestly recognize our kindness, courage, and generosity, as well as our impulses toward greed, hatred, and illusion that, left unchecked, cause harm and may lead to violence. As Herman Hesse observed in 1916: 

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself…” (Demian by Herman Hesse, chapter 6)

These practices can also help us embody the teaching of Jesus, offered in the Gospel of John: 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”   (John 13:34) 

FOCUSING. If you are interested in the Focusing technique described above, you can access simple instructions online through a website called Focusing Resources (www.focusingresources.com). The practice itself is simple, yet the ways to apply Focusing are endless. The key to the Focusing technique is developing a “self-in-presence” voice, an inner voice of compassion that engages with any aspect of the inner world.

FINDING GLIMMERS. This simple technique makes a tremendous shift toward joy in my daily life. I find Deb Dana’s e-book, Glimmers Journal well worth having. You can find it on Amazon. You can find more about her work and teachings on her website, Rhythm of Regulation,  https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/about

MINDFULNESS. Mindfulness has become a catch-all term that essentially means developing an awareness of the inner world, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, images, bodily sensations. Mindfulness can take almost any form, from a formal meditation practice to sitting on your couch, noticing your breathing. It can be 5 mins or 60, done once or twice a week or every day, individually and/or with others, in person or online. You can practice within a specific tradition, such as Buddhism or Christianity, or within another tradition. Or you can create your own practice. The key is to practice regularly, adjusting as needed. Two of the most popular teachers of mindfulness are Sharon Salzberg (www.sharonsalzberg.com) and Jon Kabat-Zinn (www.jonkabat-zinn.com). 

OTHER ACTIVITIES. Any activity that brings mind and body together, such as Yoga, walking, dancing, swimming, singing, or playing a musical instrument. Writing, drawing, or painting are options. Again, the key point is to bring self-compassion to what we discover within ourselves. 

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ Which of the practices listed above have you tried? How have they worked (or not worked) for you?

~ If you are willing, try one practice that is new for you. How did it go?

~ What other practices help you connect more deeply within yourself? How do these help you connect to the world, with others, individually and/or in groups?

I encourage you to share your experiences below. What has helped you connect with yourself? How does that experience impact your connection to others?

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CONNECTING WITH OTHERS (CHOOSING TO CONNECT, PART 1)

Posted on September 8, 2025 by Incarnation Place

In the last several posts, I expressed my deep concerns about the trajectory of our public discourse. In our public sphere, people are increasingly dividing within communities, families, and among friends. Dialogue dissolves into arguments fueled by anger, fear, and intimidation. We are becoming hate-filled. We can choose to remain isolated, or we can reach out to connect. 

I am using my voice in this blog to offer ways of moving toward wholeness, appreciation, and compassion. This post is the first of two called,  “Choosing to Connect.” Here in Part One, I focus on connecting with others. In Part Two, I will explore connecting with ourselves. 

Whether or not we choose to connect is not merely our “private” decision. The prevailing culture at any time and place affects what decisions we make and how we make them. For example, accepted scientific understanding is a powerful pressure on what we believe about how our world operates. 

For over 300 years, the Newtonian view dominated Western science. It promoted the idea of physical reality as a kind of machine, comprising individual, isolated, static parts. In the early 1900s, quantum mechanics turned Newtonian theory upside down by suggesting that reality is not machine-like, but a living organism where all elements interact within a whole. Quantum theory gathered momentum through the 20th century and is today accepted as a prevailing scientific perspective.

David Bohm (1917-1992) was a physicist and a leading proponent of quantum theory. He recognized that scientific theory profoundly affects the human sense of identity. He saw that human thought tends toward fragmentation. We separate ourselves into minds and bodies and fragment our minds trying to do multiple tasks at once. We divide our fields of study into an ever-expanding number of fields, each field breaking up into sub-categories. Most of all, we isolate ourselves from one another and from Life itself, distinguishing between life and death.

Bohm recognized that the quantum view of physics guides human perception toward a fuller human consciousness. The quantum perspective emphasizes the essential interconnectedness of all life. For example, quantum thinking highlights how our language’s basic structure (noun-verb-object) implicitly assumes individual, distinct elements. Take the simple sentence “I chop wood.” We assume that “I” is completely distinct from “wood”; and “chop” is what my separate “I” does to the separate “wood.”

Quantum theory challenges our assumptions about these distinctions, proposing that “I” and “wood” are deeply connected as living things, made of Life-energy. Interestingly, this scientific worldview draws close to the ancient Buddhist teaching that says the separate “I” is an illusion of human thinking. Buddhism emphasizes the interconnectedness of all beings, sometimes called “inter-being”. 

Bohm recognized that the illusion of separation leads us to nurture our worst impulses. When we separate from one another, we form into separate “camps”, and then pit one camp against another. In this environment, we nurture suspicion, competition, jealousy, and hatred of “the other.” The “other” happens within and between families, community groups, political parties, countries, and on and on. Welcome to where we are today, consumed with being “separate from.”

This takes an enormous toll on all of us. Bohm recognized that this pull toward separation inspires us toward violence, away from compassion. Violence takes many forms. Wars, criminal acts, especially using weapons, are obvious. The tendency toward despair can also result. We are moving against the life force that is rooted in connection, not disconnection. 

Bohm urged his followers to learn to re-orient toward and practice connecting with others. We can reach out to a neighbor, call an old friend, email or send a card to someone who is suffering. Or we may volunteer at a local food bank, library, or hospital. Whatever action we choose, we begin by recognizing each other as human beings, each of whom suffers, all worthy of love and care. One of the most challenging yet important practices we can intake is to learn to listen to those with whom we may strongly disagree.

I am inspired by the ancient wisdom of the Tao Te Ching. In English, the Chinese word Tao is translated as The Way, which refers to the spiritual path that is available to all human beings. Brian Browne Walker, a translator of The Tao, says that The Tao Te Ching  “… is less a book than a living, breathing angel.” 

“Tao is a whirling emptiness, yet when used it cannot be exhausted.

Out of the mysterious well, flows everything in existence.

Blunting sharp edges, untangling knots,

Softening the glare, settling the dust,

It evolves us all and makes the whole world one.”

(The Tao Te Ching of Lao Tsu, translated by Brian Browne Walker, published by St. Martin Griffin, New York, page 4)

Today, I’ll opt for the path of angels… as best I can.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ How much of your time and energy goes to connecting with others? When are your connections with others life-giving? When do connections feel draining? 

~ How do you relate to people with whom you have sharp disagreements? Do you avoid them, argue with them, or try to listen to their perspective?

~ What helps you connect others who hold very different views from yours? 

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STRENGTH RE-EMERGING

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Incarnation Place

I’m exhausted. Perhaps you are too. 

I’m weary of voices from all sides of issues, political parties, organizational groups screaming at each other. Every topic becomes a battleground fought between opposing sides: “I’m right, you’re wrong! I’m good, you’re bad!”

Some days I hear the news and need a shower to wash away the feeling of grime. I’m not alone. 

At the bottom of the well of exhaustion, though, I am tapping into renewed strength. This feels like anger transforming into a measure of clarity. Not because I have any special knowledge of the future. Rather, I am finding my bearings, feeling my feet on the ground, if only for a few moments at a time.

We live in complex times. Our political leaders are intentionally creating chaos and division, using fear and intimidation to expand authoritarian power. These tools are effective — they grind people into submission. The consequences can be ruinous.

However, this crisis has historical roots beyond the last few election cycles. 

Recently, I went back to the writings of Alvin Toffler, a deep thinker, a “futurologist”, shorthand for “modern-day prophet”. Between 1970 and 1990, Toffler wrote a trilogy of books examining the impact of accelerating change on human society. His work was a guiding force for me in the 1980s and 90s.

Future Shock was the first book in the Toffler trilogy, and the only book co-authored with Toffler’s wife, Adelaide Farrell, though she remained an active partner in creating the other two books in the series.

In the opening line of Future Shock, the authors tell us:

“This is a book about what happens to people when they are overwhelmed by change. It is about the ways in which we adapt — or fail to adapt — to the future.” (Future Shock, published by Random House, 1970; by Bantam 1971, page 1)

They examine human patterns of:

 “… common, everyday matters — the products we buy and discard, the places we leave behind, the corporations we inhabit, the people who pass at an ever faster clip through our lives.” (Future Shock, Bantam edition, page 1) 

The authors investigate the profound impact on human evolution in a world where change is speeding up, moving faster and faster, for generations to come. In 1970, they wrote:

“Western society for the past 300 years has been caught up in a firestorm of change. This storm, far from abating, now appears to be gathering force. Change sweeps through the highly industrialized countries with waves of ever accelerating speed and unprecedented impact… Future shock is the dizzying disorientation brought on by the premature arrival of the future. It may well be the most important disease of tomorrow.” (Future Shock, Bantam edition, pages 9,11)

Alvin Toffler’s second book in the trilogy was The Third Wave. This book focuses specifically on technology, and how the accelerating rate of change in technology will be a driving force in human evolution for generations to come. 

Toffler published The Third Wave in 1980, and the personal computer — a computer that sits on a desk — was a new thing. Before that, people used “mainframe computers,” which were enormous machines housed in special rooms, floors of buildings, or even entire buildings, to centralize computing. Individuals, businesses (large and small), governments, and community organizations had to adapt to this new technology: a computer that sits on a desk.

Toffler rightly predicted that the personal computer would change human society profoundly: how we think and work, where we travel, what we buy, how our daily homes function, the disposability of our purchases, and on and on. The personal computer was the beginning of a revolution and another step in human evolution.

My twin boys were born in 1989, and my husband purchased our first “home computer”. The internet was emerging, but we didn’t know what to do with it. We had old-fashioned telephones which were connected by a cord. A few years later cordless telephones became the new thing. Amazon and Google didn’t exist.

By 2003, when my kids went to college, students were required to own a “laptop”, a new term for a portable personal computer. Cell phones were everywhere, but “smartphones” wouldn’t arrive for another few years (2007). Use of the internet was exploding, and Google (founded in 1998) was, by 2003, a well-known resource. Although Amazon was founded in 1994, in 2003, stores and shopping malls were still the primary sources for groceries, clothing, electronics, and most other consumer products.

Now in 2025, my kids are adults and raising children of their own. Those young ones, my grandchildren, can’t imagine life without Google, the internet, smartphones, laptops, iPads, and Amazon has created an enormous space for online shopping. Meanwhile, Costco has replaced many smaller stores and is a convenient shopping center for many people. 

Technology is today a constant companion. But no matter how powerful the technology, we are social creatures, in need of social, in-person, face-to-face contact with other humans. We need each other for our survival. During a recent trip to France, I remembered the French national motto, “Liberty, equality, fraternity”. We in the U.S., have lost our sense of “fraternity,” of the collective, of our sense of community. We hunger for this, especially now. 

Today “I” replaces “we.” Individually and collectively we are drowning in individualism, which has become toxic. Communal institutions are increasingly disappearing. Religious institutions are struggling to survive. Faith in the government, healthcare, and education is slipping away. Yet the more we focus on ourselves, the less we rely on others for support and community. We lose our focus on needing to be of service to others. As we focus increasingly on ourselves, we disconnect from others. We compare ourselves endlessly, judging ourselves “better than” or “worse than,” and we lose our sense of deep connection.  

Our current political leaders arise within this context. Unfortunately, on both sides of the aisle, leaders exploit our differences while ignoring what we most long for: a shared community that allows for individual freedom while honoring the needs of the collective. In our society today, there is little room for true freedom, justice, or peaceful co-existence. This is a path to isolation and unhappiness. For it violates our human need for belonging.

How do we respond?

Recently, podcaster Dan Harris interviewed Father Gregory Boyle. Father Boyle is an American Jesuit priest and the founder of Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles, the largest gang-intervention, rehabilitation, and reentry program in the world. He is the acclaimed author of Tattoos on the Heart, Barking to the Choir, The Whole Language, and most recently, Cherished Belonging. (This conversation is on the podcast, 10% Happier with Dan Harris: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/an-antidote-to-overwhelm-and-anger-father-gregory-boyle/id1087147821?i=1000718244075 )

Father Boyle suggests that our way through these fractured times is to recognize that we are all suffering, including those we resent or even hate, and to back away from demonizing any individual or group. Each one is in pain, wounded, broken. This demands that we put ourselves in the mix, to learn to recognize and welcome our own wounds. 

In this podcast, Father Boyle urges us to attend to our capacity for care, which shifts our focus toward what connects us. We move into the domain of love. Love can become a practice, naming who/what we love, enjoy, delight in. The more time and energy we spend in this domain, the more we tap into the life-giving energy that sustains rather than drains us. He urges us to look for opportunities to be kind and to cultivate experiences of caring for others; and to notice when others reach out in care for us. 

Toward the end of the podcast, Father Boyle emphasizes the interconnectedness among humans and Dan suggests the ancient Buddhist image, “Indra’s Net.” Barbara O’Brien, a Zen Buddhist practitioner, teacher, and author, explains how this conveys the deep connection among all things, including human beings:

“In the realm of the god Indra is a vast net that stretches infinitely in all directions. In each ‘eye’ of the net is a single brilliant, perfect jewel. Each jewel also reflects every other jewel, infinite in number, and each of the reflected images of the jewels bears the image of all the other jewels — infinity to infinity. Whatever affects one jewel affects them all.” ( https://www.learnreligions.com/indras-jewel-net-449827 )

The podcast ends with Father Boyle’s encouragement: “Our aim is to be a source of delight and protection.” I repeat his closing words here, from Mother Teresa:

“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”

Our freedom as individuals is precious only in community with others. A healthy community demands that we cherish the essential goodness of all. The Golden Rule, “Treat others as you would wish to be treated…” is a secular version of Jesus’ command to his followers: 

“Love your neighbor as you have been loved.” (Luke 10:27)

SUGGESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ Practice remembering that each of us carries wounds. Allow that awareness to soften your heart. What changes do you notice in yourself?

~ Each day, look for opportunities to be kind to others. Look too, for opportunities to be kind to yourself. How does this practice affect you?

~ Notice when someone else has been kind to you. How does their kindness make you feel?

Feel free to respond to these questions or anything in this post in the comments section below. Your responses are much appreciated.

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EXPANDING TIME, CULTIVATING HOPE

Posted on July 12, 2025 by Incarnation Place

“The heart of Tao is immortal,

The mysterious fertile mother of us all,

Of heaven and earth,

Of every thing

And not-thing 

Invisible yet ever-present, 

you can use it forever without using it up.”

(The Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu translated by Brian Browne Walker, 

St. Martin’s Griffin, New York, 1995, #6)

The news of the day is urgent: floods, earthquakes, and fires create enormous suffering around the globe. In the United States, we see greed, ambition, and cruelty frequently eclipse the pursuit of truth, justice, and freedom in a torrent of human-made conflicts here and abroad.

In the meantime, digital clocks are everywhere, reminding us every minute of every day that time is passing. To avoid being left behind, we feel pressured to “keep up”. We learn to equate our value with our speed — the faster, the better. Our fear is that we are running out of time. 

I long for a new vision of hope.

The language of Tao describes close to what I call “God”. The “mysterious fertile mother of us all” comforts me, invites me to slow down, to see a wider perspective.

In a recent episode of her podcast, On Being, Krista Tippett interviewed Joy Harjo, a musician, visual artist, and member of the Muscogee Creek Nation, who is also aformer Poet Laureate of the United States.

This interview expands my sense of hope during these chaotic days and I will refer to it throughout this post. (I encourage readers to listen to the full interview on the podcast:  

On Being with Krista Tippett: Joy Harjo — The Hope Portal Ep. 6, Jul 3, 2025

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556?i=1000715626215  (This material may be protected by copyright.)

Krista Tippet introduces Ms. Harjo, saying: 

“She has composed a glorious life out of very hard beginnings. But from the beginning of her life, from childhood and even before, she has carried and retained a sense of space and time and life that is so much vaster than present circumstances. She uses this evocative phrase for the sense of time she knows and lives.

She calls it the whole of time, W-H-O-L-E. 

When she does that, she reminds me of Einstein, the way Einstein reimagined the reality of time, which is quite different from how we perceive it with our senses. Time… is relative, not fixed. Seen at a deep level, it’s not a compartmentalized past, present, and future. Past, present, and future are all happening, interacting with each other all the time.

We actually know this. We experience it constantly in our thoughts and in our hearts, in our lives. But the way we structured the modern world and our daily lives hasn’t caught up with this fundamental reality.”

Traditional cultures view time differently. Time is seasonal, cyclical, generational. This view of time is echoed in our religious traditions. 

Krista observes:

“It is the understanding of time in Martin Luther King Jr.’s evocation of the long arc of the moral universe that bends towards justice. And it is stunning to be present to Joy Harjo and see someone who holds this sense of time. She’s always known it, never lost it.”

Joy Harjo presents us with a vision infused with beliefs and images from her Native American family. She links her foundational hope to an expansive sense of time. Her culture measures time generationally. Her teachers instilled in her a vision of time spanning seven generations, encompassing three generations of ancestors—parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, historically and toward the future. She learned to appreciate children as the “rudder of hope” and to cherish all children as our children. The history of generations pierces our lives in the present and shapes the generations to come.

My mother’s mother was a Russian immigrant. She, her 3 sisters, and their mother fled Russia around 1920 and arrived by boat in New York City. They settled in Chicago, where a large Russian immigrant population had settled. My grandmother and one of her sisters had extraordinary cooking skills. They made their way in this new land as caterers. 

I was born decades later. My grandmother had given up professional cooking long before. But my most vivid memories of her are working tirelessly in the kitchen, preparing food that was elegantly served on a lace tablecloth. There was enough food for the many Russian friends who gathered for celebrations several times throughout the year. 

Her life lives on in me. I learned to cook and care about food presentation because of those childhood experiences. I pass this on to my children, who pass it on to theirs. Along the way, we are all influenced by others and our experiences. My son, for example, worked in restaurants for nearly a decade immersed in the preparation and service of food. Another son loves cooking as a hobby, constantly trying out new recipes. Threads of my grandmother’s life weave through all of us. 

Neuroscience has determined that, in the human brain, the cerebral cortex handles higher-level processes, including language, memory, reasoning, decision-making, forming values, and developing a sense of time. This is where we develop “the capacity to reflect on the past and envision the future.” Hope is a capacity that is developed in the brain. And our brain, barring injury or illness, can continually learn and develop new capacities. This is what neuroscientists call “neuroplasticity.” 

Until now, I did not link hope with a sense of expanding time. Yet, intuitively, perhaps we experience this. For example, life seems to slow down as we gaze at a beautiful sunset. For just a moment, “all is well”. Or, when during a time of suffering, the welcome touch of a friend or loved one offers great comfort. In their touch, time seems to slow down, and a sense of relaxation emerges. These experiences leave us feeling more calm and, with a glimmer of hope, however fleeting.

How can we intentionally expand time toward enlarging our sense of hope? Krista offers the following “thought exercise” which was passed on to her from her teacher John Paul Lederach, passed on to him from his teacher, the sociologist Elise Balding. It pairs beautifully with the teaching from Joy Harjo: 

“It is called the 200-year present, and it’s a way to cultivate a reality-based, longer sense of time and ancestry and the possibility that comes with that…

First, take your mind back to the youngest age you can remember and the oldest person you can remember holding you, holding you. Calculate back to their date of birth, their year of birth, roughly.

Second, bring to mind the youngest person you have held in your arms and the year to which they might live, which is a fascinating exercise in a century in which it is projected that people born in the early part of this century might well in great numbers live for an entire century. The span of time that you will be able to calculate from these two, from this date of birth and this projected date of death, is going to be roughly a 200-year present that is very tangible, a 200-year present that your life on this earth spans, that you have literally touched and been touched by. See how this stretches your imagination, which we have explored as so powerful.

See how it stretches your sense of the possibilities of the imprint and agency of your span on earth. It doesn’t make what we stand before easier, but it absolutely makes it more spacious. And that is a great gift.”

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ What inspires you toward hope, especially during these days?

~ Are you willing to try the exercise given above by Krista Tippett? If so, what did you learn?

***************************************************

To contact Joy Harjo:

https://www.joyharjo.com

To learn more about Krista Tippett:

https://onbeing.org/series/podcast

To listen to the podcast quoted here:

On Being with Krista Tippett: Joy Harjo — The Hope Portal Ep. 6, Jul 3, 2025

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/on-being-with-krista-tippett/id150892556? i=1000715626215  (This material may be protected by copyright.)

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BLESSINGS: WHERE FAITH & BODY MEET

Posted on June 28, 2025 by Incarnation Place

As I began writing this post, the US launched 30,000 pounds of bombs on Iran. A few short days later, a ceasefire was announced. Now what? While I am grateful for signs of diplomacy, I feel sad, anxious, bewildered. Humanity continues to step closer and closer to annihilating ourselves. 

As readers of this blog know, I am not a political analyst and leave it to those who are skilled in it to speak out. My focus here at Incarnation Place is to explore where faith and the body meet. How do we live our journey of faith, be that within religion or not? How does faith affect our day-to-day lives, and how does it weave through our thinking, feelings, words, and actions? 

Where faith and my body meet these days is this: My Christian faith fuels my journey, yet I am endlessly frustrated, disappointed, and outraged by the thoughts and actions of many Christians. 

I’m passionate about theology and have a master’s degree in it. I support my Christian journey with a heavy dose of Buddhist teaching and practice. As the book title by Paul Knitter, a well known Christian theologian, says, “Without Buddha, I Could Not Be a Christian.” And periods of intensive yoga training have threaded through my journey as well. 

Today I am 70 years old, in excellent health. My husband and I just celebrated 40 years of marriage, with two grown sons, their wives, and 4 grandchildren. I love to travel, to write, and to walk among the trees of southern Washington where I live. My favorite activities come with being “Grandma” and spending time with these four little ones who are just embarking on their journeys of life. 

I easily become consumed by the news and work to keep myself “off the ledge”, so engrossed with matters that I cannot control yet I ignore daily tasks that I can. Perhaps in my reaching for some moment of hope at this fractious time, I am drawn to the language of blessings, a language I heard first in church. In typical Episcopal, Roman Catholic, or Orthodox services, the priest opens with words some version of:

“Blessed be God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”

And the congregation responds:

“And blessed be His Kingdom, now and forever. Amen.” (BCP, p 355)

At the end of the service, the priest offers a version of this blessing:

“May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God, and of His Son, Jesus Christ; and the blessing of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit be among you and remain with you always.”

In religious services and gatherings, blessings acknowledge the holiness of life and presence of God. They express thanksgiving, and offer assurance and comfort. 

For years, I assumed only clergy members offered blessings during worship services. I was wrong. Today, I know that giving and receiving blessings is a gift that each of us can take part in, any time, any place.

I dare say all of us — especially during these challenging times — are hungry to receive a blessing. We long to be acknowledged, seen, and heard; to know that we matter.To offer a blessing is to affirm the inherent goodness in life, the movement of Life that connects and transcends us. Blessings express the energy of Love.

We may offer blessings in words. The specific words are not as important as the intent to bless another. 

But blessings extend beyond words. People can give blessings in many other ways, such as with a kind gesture, like a smile, or by holding the door at the post office. A blessing be holding the hand of a friend who is suffering. We can extend blessings through images shared with one person or many others. In some moments, the greatest blessing is offering a space to be silent. 

Imagine if 50% of people posting on social media commit to only posting blessings! 

As a Christian, my intent is to follow Jesus. For years, this was very simple. His instruction is: “Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul. And love one another as I have loved you.”(Matthew 22: 36-40, Luke 10:27, John 13:34) This is a reminder to keep love in the center; to return to love when I stray from it; and to remember that I am loved unconditionally by God, love that extends to all. Jesus tells us that unconditional love is God’s gift, not something we can earn. Our journey is learning to receive this love, care for, and extend this precious gift to others. 

Giving and receiving blessings is about how we relate to life. Blessings are a simple form of human caring, an affirmation of the other as worthy of the goodness in life. Buddhist teaching talks less about “love”, more about “compassion.” Blessing is a path for developing compassion for ourselves, for one another, for Life itself.

If there’s one thing I have learned, it is that all things are passing. Whatever is happening today, things will change tomorrow, regardless of whether I like or dislike the changes. This movement is the fundamental flow of life, true of plants, fish, and animals, mountains, rivers, and oceans. And it is true of human life. Buddha expressed this fundamental truth nearly 3,000 thousand years ago (4th-5th century BC). 

Another profound truth that the Buddha taught is that suffering is a part of life. Everyone experiences painful loss, illness, and death. We cannot change that, but we can change how we relate to the truth of suffering. We can commit to using our minds and bodies to live fully, embracing these truths rather than fighting or ignoring them. A practice of giving and receiving blessings is a way to live into this. 

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ What blessings have you received recently?

~ What blessing do. You need right now? How might you reach out to receive it? (For example, ask a trusted friend or family member, offer a prayer, create a picture, poem, or other artistic expression…)

~ What blessings can you offer to another?

Feel free to post comments, questions, or observations in the comments section below. I appreciate “hearing” your voices!

RELATED BOOKS THAT MAY BE OF INTEREST:

Blessing by David Spangler

My Grandfather’s Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue

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BROKEN PROMISES

Posted on May 30, 2025 by Incarnation Place

“Your promise preserves my life…” (Psalm 119:50)

A promise made…. a promise broken. 

Broken promises can be devastating. Some are life-altering. This is especially true for children who rely on parents and caregivers to be caring, trustworthy, and supportive. Neglect, abuse, illness, or death fracture these relationships, breaking the child’s heart. This can shake her trust in others and herself. Without some form of repair, this pain can follow the child throughout life, hindering her from fully living. 

Sometimes, broken promises may become fuel for a child to grow to be of service. Losing her mother to cancer, a child may become a pediatric oncologist. A child of divorce may become a psychotherapist specializing in relationships involving divorce. A child who loses a parent to crime may become a police officer. And so on. 

These childhood experiences provide a window into how we adults may experience our political climate, in the United States and the world. Awakening to a sense of betrayal by the government is nothing new. I grew up during the McCarthy trials. The government wrongly accused thousands of American citizens of treason. One of the most well-known was Robert Oppenheimer, who led the effort to develop the nuclear bomb that ended WWII and ushered in a new era of threat to human life. 

In the 1970s, the release of The Pentagon Papers detailed how the US government continued to fund the Vietnam war, sending hundreds of young men into the battlefield, despite clear evidence that the U.S. could not win this war. 

The Watergate scandal followed shortly after the release of the Pentagon Papers. Watergate was the name given to an event in which members of President Nixon’s 1972 re-election campaign broke into the Democratic National Committee headquarters at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C. An investigation followed that uncovered a sprawling “campaign” of spying and sabotage, led by senior members of Nixon’s staff and funded by illegal donor contributions. The investigation into the Watergate scandal led directly to President Nixon’s resignation on August 9, 1974.

For Americans, these political scandals broke fundamental bonds of trust that have only gotten worse in recent years. However, more than just our political institutions betray our trust. In health care, we may feel betrayed by doctors who spend more time filling out forms than listening to patients; or offer drugs that may be helpful but come with a price tag that is prohibitive. Economic, cultural, and political constraints increasingly hamper our educational systems, diverting them from their primary mission to educate. The enormity of crises that affect our environment is dizzying. And the sexual and financial scandals that plague religious institutions, coupled with decades of cover-up by those in authority, are among the most blatant examples of institutional broken promises.

Today, many of us feel a deep sense of betrayal by individuals and systems beyond our control. Finding even small pockets of stability is difficult in our perpetually chaotic world. Some days, we may feel as though we are swimming in a sea of enemies and become plagued by fear of the future. We feel helpless to change the dynamics of our world, which increasingly plays havoc with our relationships with others. What we can alter is our relationship with ourselves, our minds, and bodies.

I maintain this blog in part because I am a writer. As a career book editor, my father trained me from a young age to care about language, “mean what you say and say what you mean.” Once in college, I brought home a paper for my father to read. I proudly showed the paper to him, having received an “A”. Instead of showering me with praise, he took out his red pen. He crossed out sentences, re-wrote paragraphs, and circled phrases that were confusing. I felt crushed. 

Years later, I realized the great gift Dad gave me. He taught me to write, to care about my words, to know that words matter.

How can words help us now as we navigate through these challenging times?

Words are an essential currency of human thought and communication. We communicate with others. We also communicate with ourselves. Some of our self-communication may be unconscious. We may not recognize thoughts and beliefs that we hold dear because we do not articulate them. Learning to name this subterranean realm can be enormously helpful. We discover more deeply the truth of who we are and what we believe. In this process, we learn we can change our beliefs. 

Theologian John Philip Newell tells the story of the Scottish poet Edwin Muir (1887-1959) who lost his Christian faith early in the twentieth century. Newell writes:

“In Muir’s case (his loss of faith) was precipitated by the deaths of four members of his family within a few years, as well as the experience of poverty and human degradation in the heavily industrialized city of Glasgow. Muir eventually came to see, however, that what he had lost was not faith in God but faith in what the church had taught him about God and humanity and Earth.”

“For Muir, the journey back (to faith) was… not simply a return to traditionally held religious belief. It was an imaginative reclaiming of his first vision of reality as a child in which he experienced the universe as flooded with light. Faith for him was about being faithful to the immortal presence that shines. In all things. And he also came to see that deep in his Christian inheritance were symbols and myths and wisdom that could serve this faithfulness. This is the recovery of faith that Muir invites us into, and to allow our first experiences of light in nature and in human relationship to be born anew in us and guide us in our living and thinking and acting.” (John Philip Newell, The Great Search, HarperOne, 2024, pages 163-4)

Muir’s story reminds me of my own. Deep inside, I held a belief that God would protect me from unbearable suffering. This wasn’t conscious. But it came from messages I heard in church that if I became overwhelmed with suffering, my faith was faulty. I was doing something wrong. I was a failure “at” faith. 

Alas, this way of internalizing some church teachings is common. I have heard versions of this story again and again through the years. Messages that add guilt and shame onto people who are suffering, destroys the soul. It sets us up to feel betrayed. Muir’s lesson that as adults we can distinguish our embodied sense of God from church teachings that limit our access to God or actually cause harm is a tremendous life lesson of faith. We can clarify our beliefs, choosing beliefs that are life giving, and changing or deleting beliefs that cause harm. This lesson is especially powerful now, as our politics often become obscured by a distortion of religious imagery.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

~ As a child, Edwin Muir experienced the universe as “flooded with light.” What were some of your “first visions” (as a child) of “true” reality? How do these impact you today? 

~ Have you ever felt betrayed by God? Describe the experience. How has your understanding of the experience changed, if at all, over time?

~ Today, what inspires, motivates, or excites you? What are you curious about?

~ What do you long for? What one action can you take to bring you closer to what you long for? 

Feel free to comment below, offering any responses to these questions or anything else in this essay.

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